Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

I initially entitled this post "Dirty Thirty," just because it rhymes and someone said it to me the other day.  Then I looked it up.  I changed my mind.  You probably shouldn't look it up.  Ahem.

Welp, it's all over, folks...sigh.  Next Friday, the 13th, my youth is officially over.  Actually, I must say that I've been feeling the affects of my geriatric state over the past few months.  I mean, I suppose I am already in my 30th year, right?  Well, whatever the case may be, the fact remains: it's all downhill from here.

It all started with the gray hair I spotted earlier this year.  I had relentlessly made fun of two gray hairs I found on James about a month prior to my own shocking discovery...one might say I even brought it upon myself.  One would probably be right, but one should also shut their face...

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah.  Then my shoulder started aching during volleyball because apparently I didn't warm up.  Who warms up?  Have you ever warmed up?  I don't warm up.  I didn't warm up.  And now my shoulder hurts.  What was once okay in my youth, is no longer.

I think I hit my mid-life crisis when I decided to do the workout, Insanity, about 3 1/2 weeks ago...it is as it's title states: Insane.  Seriously.  I thought I was going to puke at one point.  Then I realized it was just the freaking warm-up.  Anyway, during the second week of hell, I strained my lower back during some stupid jump-knee-slap things.  Don't you worry - I kept going.  Subsequently, I had to ice my back and take lots of ibuprofen.  Repeatedly.

Monday I was playing basketball against the high schoolers, when, during the first play of the scrimmage, I expertly missed a shot from 3 feet away, tried to correct my mistake by jumping and reaching over Jodi Walker's back, and landed on her foot.  This is the end result:

There.  It's true, isn't it?  My life is officially over.  Anything good that was ever going to happen, has already happened.  It's shades of grey from here on out.  I don't sleep as well as I used to.  I have permanent creases (CREASES!!!) between my eyebrows and in my forehead (no more facial expressions, ever).  I have no boobs (still - not sure what this has to do with anything, but just thought I'd throw that out there).  My back, shoulder, and ankle hurt.  Things that didn't used to affect me, now affect me.  Negatively.  Bleacher seats are torture.  I wear polyester.  I think my earlobes have gotten longer.  I have sun spots.  I have the desire to own many, many cats.  I have to squint to see my 58" TV from 5 feet away.  I desire sweets.  I have cankles.  I am constantly saying, "what?" because I can't hear a darn thing.  Maybe it's too much wax?  I might as well go check into the nursing home and call it a day.  Sigh.  I think I'll go sit in my recliner with my bifocals and watch MASH.  Or I Love Lucy.  (Those are the oldest shows I can think of...)

* It must be noted that while author of post may truly believe her life is over, she is mostly kidding.  She actually even thinks 30!! will be much better than 20...(Man I was a moron back then (was being the operative word, here).  Here's to the many kick @$$ years yet to come!!!  :)